INTRO In 2015 Two gurgitators took the stage Joey was the eight time champ Matt eight years less in age Joey had a rough year Love life in the pits His stomach wanted win nine But his heart just wasn’t in it At the end of the ten minutes When the gorging was all done Joey ate 60 hot dogs Matt had crammed two more… … and won VERSE 1 It’s a beautiful day on Coney Island New York The sun is shining, hot dogs are stacked on plates Matt is looking good, Joey’s looking determined I’d bet all of my french fries this contest will be great Joey tells the crowd how he used to play the trumpet So his cheeks are good at puffing out which helps him in this sport Matt says he’s determined to keep the Mustard Belt He beat Joey before and doesn’t think he’ll fall short CHORUS How much can the body take? How much can it eat? Why would anybody do this? Why would anyone compete? I feel bloated after eating One big retaurant meal I can’t imagine how eating so much Would make me feel VERSE 2 The fans out in the crowd were many tens of thousands strong Not counting all the millions who watch it on TV I wish that I could be there but at least watching at home I don’t get any half chewed hot dog spewings landing on me Joey quickly took the lead, his jaws biting through and true At the end he’d eaten seventy, and Matt, fifty-two And though the contest was hard fought, and both men came to play Joey's 70 hot dogs set an all-time record today CHORUS How much can the body take? How much can it eat? Food debris flies everywhere But really this is pretty neat It may be kind of odd to watch An eater stuff his face But I can't deny I'm riveted by This oddly compelling race BRIDGE And when they are done With eating head to head They’ll shake each others’ hands and Joke about not feeling fed Then they’ll go to a restaurant And break bread as friends Laughing about How it came out in the end CHORUS How much can the body take? How much can it eat? How much can you push yourself To be in the elite? I guess we all just want to Say there’s something we do best I don’t know how they do it but I admit I am very impressed

CHORUS Eat a hot dog Eat a hot dog, baby [dude] They're America's food Eat them all up, baby [dude] Eat a hot dog Eat a hot dog, baby [dude] Show them that we're hungry Stuff 'em all in, baby [dude] VERSE 1 I am meat! I am beef and pork and mechanically separated turkey I am fat, salt, preservatives and mystery spices most quirky But don't dwell on my ingredients; they do get kind of murky I am creative! You can broil, steam or fry me, or just throw me on the grill -- I'm ready quick You can eat me on a bun or on a roll or in corn batter on a stick Embellish me with sauerkraut, mustard or any other topping It's yours to pick CHORUS VERSE 2 I am summer! I bring smiles to the faces of small children at the local county fair Dads and sons buy hot dogs at the ballgame, a prized moment to share The sun sets on backyard cookouts, neighbors laughing, talking, eating without a care I am America! I may not be high cuisine, but what I am is damn full of pride I take unwanted, wretched, cast out scraps of meat -- and invite them all inside Together we are something special, that so-called grade-A cuts of steak Simply can't provide CHORUS VERSE 3 I am hot dog! I am special in small moments and I'm happy just to discover I've helped someone make a new friend or enchant a brand new lover Because life without hot dogs would be just a little bit duller Yes, I am hot dog! And as a hot dog I am part of much bigger moments too Piled on a plate with my brothers, my big contest debut And though I may be eaten oh so quick, and though my eater may not chew In that moment of consumption, to my very best self I am true Chorus x2

VERSE 1 I was thinking back To those 70s days When female athletes Gained so much praise for breaking down The glass ceilings in sport Diane Crump rode the Kentucky Derby The first woman of NASCAR was Janet Guthrie And Billie Jean King served the ultimate tennis retort And then there was . . . CHORUS Little Arlene So small and petite But Little Arlene, She really could eat Every man thinks He's the king of the table But Little Arlene . . . She earned that label VERSE 2 Now, the Seventy-Sixers Were a basketball team With a halftime show That made fans scream 'Cause Arlene's eating Left mouths open in shock One time she challenged Five huge guys Known as the Phil-ups Each twice her size Food was brought out And she just said "let's rock" Because she was . . . CHORUS VERSE 3 She ate twenty-three hot dogs Twenty-two pizza slices Sixteen large cokes While the men were all in crisis Even all together They just could not compete Their guts were all a-tumble And as they left the floor Arlene faced the crowd and said She was ready to eat more An Oyster eating contest at the restaurant down the street BRIDGE And the thing that no one knew Until the team staff went to pay Arlene's bill at the hotel Where she'd been put up for the game Was that before the half-time show And her triumphant food fight She'd had a full-course roast beef dinner Just to stoke her appetite CHORUS x2

VERSE 1 I knew a little girl Celebrating her birthday She was getting so big Turning one year old And mom and dad had Spent that first year giving her The most nutritious foods That their farmer's market sold No cookies, no ice ice cream No sweet lollipops They wanted her to learn The healthy way to eat Until the calendar Got back to when she was born To celebrate that day She would get a special treat CHORUS 1 It was a beautiful chocolate cupcake Gooey, and messy, with frosting galore It was a beautiful chocolate cupcake With a cupcake like that, who could ask for more? VERSE 2 The girl sat in her highchair Happy as could be She didn't understand birthdays But she understood smiles Now, though she loved food She'd never had a cupcake So when Mom gave one to her She just stared at it a while Dad helped blow out the candle While Mom took a picture The girl grabbed a chunk of cake And took her first bite It got on her clothes It got in her hair But when it finally reached her mouth She squealed in delight CHORUS 2 It was a beautiful chocolate cupcake Gooey, and messy, with frosting galore It was a beautiful chocolate cupcake With every bite, her tummy called out for more VERSE 3 The girl couldn't get enough Of the delicious cupcake If others got too close Her glare scared them away As she ate bite after bite She looked so very happy But that's not where Our story ends today Because all of the sugar Now landing in her belly May have tasted so good But it made her feel sick So halfway through Her oh-so-yummy cupcake Everything she'd eaten Came right back up quick CHORUS 3 It was a beautiful chocolate cupcake Gooey, and messy, with frosting galore It was a beautiful chocolate cupcake Delicious as it was, she couldn't eat any more BRIDGE But in her chest beat a heart brave and true She'd suffered a setback, but she knew what she must do It was time to reset, time to see this through She grabbed the half cake left, and started eating anew [Crowd cheer] CHORUS 1 & 2

VERSE 1 I walked into the Burger Stuffer For my midday meal I ordered the Thrice-Fried Supreme My normal combo deal But as I took my order Towards a table in the rear I saw a lady, strong and bold With a pile of food near She unwrapped burger after burger And downed onion rings and fries The most seductive sight I’ve seen In all my years alive She saw me staring and licked the crumbs From her ketchup red lip She finished her whole tray of food With consummate showmanship, and said CHORUS Do you think that you Can keep up with me Self-control is just a prison And I live life to be free Don’t ask me for my number Don’t whisper something sweet The only men I date are those Who I cannot outeat VERSE 2 I went back to the counter And ordered five more meals I took them to her table And told her, “here’s the deal” There’s one thing that I know for sure No one eats like I do So buckle in, lean back, relax, And I’ll show you that it’s true” CHORUS Do you think that you Can keep up with me Self-control is just a prison And I live life to be free Don’t ask me for my number I don’t think demure is neat The only ladies that I date are those I can’t outeat CHORUS Do you think that you Can keep up with her and me Self-control is just a prison And we choose to live life free Don’t ask to join our party If your stomach can’t compete The only people worth our time Are those we can’t outeat

VERSE 1 Today at my local Burger Stuffer franchise When I looked behind the counter I could not believe my eyes Rather than an awkward teen with greasy skin Stood Old Scratch himself with an evil hungry grin He said "I know you claim at eating to be the best I'm here to offer you a friendly little contest If you beat me you'll never gain a single pound If I win I get to drag your soul underground" He waved his hand at the table and though it sounds weird A stack of fifty burgers suddenly appeared He said, "whoever eats the most on the table wins the day A head-to-head fight; so tell me: what do you say?" I looked at the burgers and took their measure Then nodded my head, to the devil's pleasure I took off my coat, draped it on my seat Removed my hat, and then sat down to eat CHORUS The devil came to Burger Stuffer Stroking his goatee The devil came to Burger Stuffer “No one eats like me” The devil came to Burger Stuffer Looking for a fight The devil came to Burger Stuffer He'll get one all right VERSE 2 My adversary tore in like a human tornado His mouth opened twice as wide as a mere man’s could ever go Still each burger tasted great and I savored every bite Until he finished 26 and crowed in delight He said, “mathematically you cannot win I've eaten more than half, so forfeiting is no sin" I said "I understand, but I'm having fun So I'm gonna keep going until I am done" He said, "whatever floats your boat" and smugly leaned back And sat there as I ate my 24 burger snack When I'd eaten the last, he said "it's time to go" I just shook my head and said, "I don't think so There's one more thing on the table to eat Though it may not taste that good, it's more than big enough to beat The two burger deficit I'm currently at." And with those words, I ate my hat CHORUS The devil came to Burger Stuffer Stroking his goatee The devil came to Burger Stuffer “No one eats like me” The devil came to Burger Stuffer Looking for a fight The devil came to Burger Stuffer He'll get one all right VERSE 3 He said, "what trick is this? A hat doesn't count as food" I said, "accusing me of cheating? That's really rather rude But anyway it’s under your rules that I'm able To eat this hat because it was on the table I put it there before we started our match It's really not my fault if you didn't catch That there was more to eat on the table than just the burgers Though I have to admit, getting it down was murder But my big ol' hat counts for two burgers at least And I knew you'd be so lazy that you'd stop your feast Once you'd eaten enough to think that you had the win Gluttony may be bad, but sloth is also a sin" The devil looked me in the eye and let out a burp He bowed his head and said "today you've usurped The title of grand trickster and of best eater too And from now on I’ll know better than to try to outeat you" CHORUS The devil came to Burger Stuffer Stroking his goatee The devil came to Burger Stuffer But no one eats like me The devil came to Burger Stuffer Looking for a fight The devil came to Burger Stuffer He got one all right

VERSE 1 I'm in the zone The eaters all around me disappear Just me, the plate, the food is all that's here And the time to begin eating draws so near. Nothing to fear Then why Does my stomach tie in knots before I start And yet the gut is just a small part of this art If I'm gonna win I've got to play this smart Eat from the heart The whistle blows I grab some food and dunk it in my drink I've got a strategy but there's no time to think Just the rhythm of my hands and mouth in sync Pushed to the brink CHORUS I keep on eating although I'm full I keep on eating although each bite tastes like dirt I keep on eating although I'm sick I keep on eating ... Although it hurts VERSE 2 I jump To try to get the food to go down fast But with each bite I fear that it's my last I know I'll soon be haunted by this vast Frenzied repast I sweat The drops drip in my eyes and smell like meat But it's not about enjoying what I eat It’s about pushing myself into the elite I must compete I strive So I can know that I'm the best at what I do While surrounded by my peers who do this too And leave my mark even though others disapprove It’s what gives me strength to gnash and bite and chew All the way through CHORUS x2

CHORUS Everybody gather for the deep fry dinner party Everyone gather for some deep fried treats Everybody gather for the deep fry party If it’s not deep fried, it's nothing I want to eat VERSE 1 For appetizers we got fried mozzarella sticks Fried won tons Fried mac and cheese If you want something classy we got little fried oysters Hot from the fryer They are sure to please Served with the oysters we’ve got some tasty Cocktail sauce Dumped fresh from the jar We'll fry that up too into little fried treats Flavor bursting in your mouth The best you've had so far CHORUS VERSE 2 For the soup course we got fried corn chowder Stuffed in a bread bowl And fried real nice Salad's up next with lots of fried veggies Embedded in a crouton That's fried up twice If you want to make a toast we got some champagne Fried in a dough As part of our spread If you're getting thirsty we got fried soda pop Or if you're looking to get wasted We got fried beer instead CHORUS VERSE 3 Dinner's up next, of course there's fried chicken So juicy and crisp It's too good to be true Got deep fried burgers, dumped in the fryer whole With the pickle and the ketchup And the bun on too Look, here comes the deep water lobster Topped with caviar To give it some bite Cooked to perfection with the utmost care Then finished in the fryer To make it taste all right CHORUS VERSE 4 At last, it's time to be a bit indulgent Healthy food is over Now we're eating for fun The dessert tray is loaded with deep fried pies Crispy ice cream And crunchy sweet buns Fried chocolate cookies are gooey and warm Batter-dipped candy bars Are a thrill But it's deep fried butter that rocks my world I can devour five whole And not have eaten my fill CHORUS BRIDGE Some people say We go a bit overboard Some people say That it's too much fried Those people are wrong They just haven't had A fried food feast With an expert guide CHORUS x2 ... If it isn't deep fried I don't want to eat