The King of July 4th

by Burger Stuffer Supreme

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about

A (mini-)album of songs about or inspired by the wild, fascinating, bizarre and sometimes controversial world of competitive eating.

These songs were originally written between 2014 and 2018, and all of them were substantially to completely rewritten and re-recorded in June 2018.

And remember: eat each meal as though it's your last.

credits

released June 29, 2018

All songs written, performed and copyright 2014-2018 by Burger Stuffer Supreme and Odilon Green.

license

all rights reserved

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about

Burger Stuffer Supreme

I write songs about competitive eating. Because eating is fundamental.

I also write songs about beards for my band Opinionated Whiskers, linked below.

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Contact Burger Stuffer Supreme

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Track Name: The King of July 4th
INTRO

In 2015
Two gurgitators took the stage
Joey was the eight time champ
Matt eight years less in age

Joey had a rough year
Love life in the pits
His stomach wanted win nine
But his heart just wasn’t in it

At the end of the ten minutes
When the gorging was all done
Joey ate 60 hot dogs
Matt had crammed two more…

… and won

VERSE 1

It’s a beautiful day on Coney Island New York
The sun is shining, hot dogs are stacked on plates
Matt is looking good, Joey’s looking determined
I’d bet all of my french fries this contest will be great

Joey tells the crowd how he used to play the trumpet
So his cheeks are good at puffing out which helps him in this sport
Matt says he’s determined to keep the Mustard Belt
He beat Joey before and doesn’t think he’ll fall short

CHORUS

How much can the body take?
How much can it eat?
Why would anybody do this?
Why would anyone compete?

I feel bloated after eating
One big retaurant meal
I can’t imagine how eating so much
Would make me feel


VERSE 2

The fans out in the crowd were many tens of thousands strong
Not counting all the millions who watch it on TV
I wish that I could be there but at least watching at home
I don’t get any half chewed hot dog spewings landing on me

Joey quickly took the lead, his jaws biting through and true
At the end he’d eaten seventy, and Matt, fifty-two
And though the contest was hard fought, and both men came to play
Joey's 70 hot dogs set an all-time record today

CHORUS

How much can the body take?
How much can it eat?
Food debris flies everywhere
But really this is pretty neat

It may be kind of odd to watch
An eater stuff his face
But I can't deny I'm riveted by
This oddly compelling race

BRIDGE

And when they are done
With eating head to head
They’ll shake each others’ hands and
Joke about not feeling fed

Then they’ll go to a restaurant
And break bread as friends
Laughing about
How it came out in the end


CHORUS

How much can the body take?
How much can it eat?
How much can you push yourself
To be in the elite?

I guess we all just want to
Say there’s something we do best
I don’t know how they do it but
I admit I am very impressed
Track Name: I Am Hot Dog
CHORUS

Eat a hot dog
Eat a hot dog, baby [dude]
They're America's food
Eat them all up, baby [dude]

Eat a hot dog
Eat a hot dog, baby [dude]
Show them that we're hungry
Stuff 'em all in, baby [dude]

VERSE 1

I am meat!
I am beef and pork and mechanically separated turkey
I am fat, salt, preservatives and mystery spices most quirky
But don't dwell on my ingredients; they do get kind of murky

I am creative!
You can broil, steam or fry me, or just throw me on the grill -- I'm ready quick
You can eat me on a bun or on a roll or in corn batter on a stick
Embellish me with sauerkraut, mustard or any other topping
It's yours to pick

CHORUS

VERSE 2

I am summer!
I bring smiles to the faces of small children at the local county fair
Dads and sons buy hot dogs at the ballgame, a prized moment to share
The sun sets on backyard cookouts, neighbors laughing, talking, eating without a care

I am America!
I may not be high cuisine, but what I am is damn full of pride
I take unwanted, wretched, cast out scraps of meat -- and invite them all inside
Together we are something special, that so-called grade-A cuts of steak
Simply can't provide

CHORUS

VERSE 3

I am hot dog!
I am special in small moments and I'm happy just to discover
I've helped someone make a new friend or enchant a brand new lover
Because life without hot dogs would be just a little bit duller

Yes, I am hot dog!
And as a hot dog I am part of much bigger moments too
Piled on a plate with my brothers, my big contest debut
And though I may be eaten oh so quick, and though my eater may not chew
In that moment of consumption, to my very best self I am true

Chorus x2
Track Name: Especially Righteous Appetite (Little Arlene)
VERSE 1

I was thinking back
To those 70s days
When female athletes
Gained so much praise
for breaking down
The glass ceilings in sport

Diane Crump
rode the Kentucky Derby
The first woman of NASCAR
was Janet Guthrie
And Billie Jean King
served the ultimate tennis retort

And then there was . . .

CHORUS
Little Arlene
So small and petite
But Little Arlene,
She really could eat
Every man thinks
He's the king of the table
But Little Arlene . . .
She earned that label

VERSE 2

Now, the Seventy-Sixers
Were a basketball team
With a halftime show
That made fans scream
'Cause Arlene's eating
Left mouths open in shock

One time she challenged
Five huge guys
Known as the Phil-ups
Each twice her size
Food was brought out
And she just said "let's rock"

Because she was . . .

CHORUS

VERSE 3

She ate twenty-three hot dogs
Twenty-two pizza slices
Sixteen large cokes
While the men were all in crisis
Even all together
They just could not compete

Their guts were all a-tumble
And as they left the floor
Arlene faced the crowd and said
She was ready to eat more
An Oyster eating contest
at the restaurant down the street

BRIDGE

And the thing that no one knew
Until the team staff went to pay
Arlene's bill at the hotel
Where she'd been put up for the game
Was that before the half-time show
And her triumphant food fight
She'd had a full-course roast beef dinner
Just to stoke her appetite

CHORUS x2
Track Name: Beautiful Chocolate Cupcake
VERSE 1

I knew a little girl
Celebrating her birthday
She was getting so big
Turning one year old

And mom and dad had
Spent that first year giving her
The most nutritious foods
That their farmer's market sold

No cookies, no ice ice cream
No sweet lollipops
They wanted her to learn
The healthy way to eat

Until the calendar
Got back to when she was born
To celebrate that day
She would get a special treat

CHORUS 1

It was a beautiful chocolate cupcake
Gooey, and messy, with frosting galore
It was a beautiful chocolate cupcake
With a cupcake like that, who could ask for more?

VERSE 2

The girl sat in her highchair
Happy as could be
She didn't understand birthdays
But she understood smiles

Now, though she loved food
She'd never had a cupcake
So when Mom gave one to her
She just stared at it a while

Dad helped blow out the candle
While Mom took a picture
The girl grabbed a chunk of cake
And took her first bite

It got on her clothes
It got in her hair
But when it finally reached her mouth
She squealed in delight

CHORUS 2

It was a beautiful chocolate cupcake
Gooey, and messy, with frosting galore
It was a beautiful chocolate cupcake
With every bite, her tummy called out for more

VERSE 3

The girl couldn't get enough
Of the delicious cupcake
If others got too close
Her glare scared them away

As she ate bite after bite
She looked so very happy
But that's not where
Our story ends today

Because all of the sugar
Now landing in her belly
May have tasted so good
But it made her feel sick

So halfway through
Her oh-so-yummy cupcake
Everything she'd eaten
Came right back up quick

CHORUS 3

It was a beautiful chocolate cupcake
Gooey, and messy, with frosting galore
It was a beautiful chocolate cupcake
Delicious as it was, she couldn't eat any more

BRIDGE

But in her chest beat a heart brave and true
She'd suffered a setback, but she knew what she must do
It was time to reset, time to see this through
She grabbed the half cake left, and started eating anew

[Crowd cheer]

CHORUS 1 & 2
Track Name: Do You Think That You Can Keep Up With Me?
VERSE 1

I walked into the Burger Stuffer
For my midday meal
I ordered the Thrice-Fried Supreme
My normal combo deal

But as I took my order
Towards a table in the rear
I saw a lady, strong and bold
With a pile of food near

She unwrapped burger after burger
And downed onion rings and fries
The most seductive sight I’ve seen
In all my years alive

She saw me staring and licked the crumbs
From her ketchup red lip
She finished her whole tray of food
With consummate showmanship, and said

CHORUS

Do you think that you
Can keep up with me
Self-control is just a prison
And I live life to be free
Don’t ask me for my number
Don’t whisper something sweet
The only men I date are those
Who I cannot outeat

VERSE 2

I went back to the counter
And ordered five more meals
I took them to her table
And told her, “here’s the deal”

There’s one thing that I know for sure
No one eats like I do
So buckle in, lean back, relax,
And I’ll show you that it’s true”

CHORUS

Do you think that you
Can keep up with me
Self-control is just a prison
And I live life to be free
Don’t ask me for my number
I don’t think demure is neat
The only ladies that I date are those
I can’t outeat

CHORUS

Do you think that you
Can keep up with her and me
Self-control is just a prison
And we choose to live life free
Don’t ask to join our party
If your stomach can’t compete
The only people worth our time
Are those we can’t outeat
Track Name: The Devil Came to Burger Stuffer
VERSE 1

Today at my local Burger Stuffer franchise
When I looked behind the counter I could not believe my eyes
Rather than an awkward teen with greasy skin
Stood Old Scratch himself with an evil hungry grin

He said "I know you claim at eating to be the best
I'm here to offer you a friendly little contest
If you beat me you'll never gain a single pound
If I win I get to drag your soul underground"

He waved his hand at the table and though it sounds weird
A stack of fifty burgers suddenly appeared
He said, "whoever eats the most on the table wins the day
A head-to-head fight; so tell me: what do you say?"

I looked at the burgers and took their measure
Then nodded my head, to the devil's pleasure
I took off my coat, draped it on my seat
Removed my hat, and then sat down to eat

CHORUS

The devil came to Burger Stuffer
Stroking his goatee
The devil came to Burger Stuffer
“No one eats like me”
The devil came to Burger Stuffer
Looking for a fight
The devil came to Burger Stuffer
He'll get one all right

VERSE 2

My adversary tore in like a human tornado
His mouth opened twice as wide as a mere man’s could ever go
Still each burger tasted great and I savored every bite
Until he finished 26 and crowed in delight

He said, “mathematically you cannot win
I've eaten more than half, so forfeiting is no sin"
I said "I understand, but I'm having fun
So I'm gonna keep going until I am done"

He said, "whatever floats your boat" and smugly leaned back
And sat there as I ate my 24 burger snack
When I'd eaten the last, he said "it's time to go"
I just shook my head and said, "I don't think so

There's one more thing on the table to eat
Though it may not taste that good, it's more than big enough to beat
The two burger deficit I'm currently at."
And with those words, I ate my hat

CHORUS

The devil came to Burger Stuffer
Stroking his goatee
The devil came to Burger Stuffer
“No one eats like me”
The devil came to Burger Stuffer
Looking for a fight
The devil came to Burger Stuffer
He'll get one all right

VERSE 3

He said, "what trick is this? A hat doesn't count as food"
I said, "accusing me of cheating? That's really rather rude
But anyway it’s under your rules that I'm able
To eat this hat because it was on the table

I put it there before we started our match
It's really not my fault if you didn't catch
That there was more to eat on the table than just the burgers
Though I have to admit, getting it down was murder

But my big ol' hat counts for two burgers at least
And I knew you'd be so lazy that you'd stop your feast
Once you'd eaten enough to think that you had the win
Gluttony may be bad, but sloth is also a sin"

The devil looked me in the eye and let out a burp
He bowed his head and said "today you've usurped
The title of grand trickster and of best eater too
And from now on I’ll know better than to try to outeat you"

CHORUS

The devil came to Burger Stuffer
Stroking his goatee
The devil came to Burger Stuffer
But no one eats like me
The devil came to Burger Stuffer
Looking for a fight
The devil came to Burger Stuffer
He got one all right
Track Name: Keep on Eating
VERSE 1

I'm in the zone
The eaters all around me disappear
Just me, the plate, the food is all that's here
And the time to begin eating draws so near.
Nothing to fear

Then why
Does my stomach tie in knots before I start
And yet the gut is just a small part of this art
If I'm gonna win I've got to play this smart
Eat from the heart

The whistle blows
I grab some food and dunk it in my drink
I've got a strategy but there's no time to think
Just the rhythm of my hands and mouth in sync
Pushed to the brink

CHORUS

I keep on eating although I'm full
I keep on eating although each bite tastes like dirt
I keep on eating although I'm sick
I keep on eating ...
Although it hurts

VERSE 2

I jump
To try to get the food to go down fast
But with each bite I fear that it's my last
I know I'll soon be haunted by this vast
Frenzied repast

I sweat
The drops drip in my eyes and smell like meat
But it's not about enjoying what I eat
It’s about pushing myself into the elite
I must compete

I strive
So I can know that I'm the best at what I do
While surrounded by my peers who do this too
And leave my mark even though others disapprove
It’s what gives me strength to gnash and bite and chew
All the way through

CHORUS x2
Track Name: Deep Fried Dinner Party
CHORUS

Everybody gather for the deep fry dinner party
Everyone gather for some deep fried treats
Everybody gather for the deep fry party
If it’s not deep fried, it's nothing I want to eat

VERSE 1

For appetizers we got fried mozzarella sticks
Fried won tons
Fried mac and cheese

If you want something classy we got little fried oysters
Hot from the fryer
They are sure to please

Served with the oysters we’ve got some tasty
Cocktail sauce
Dumped fresh from the jar

We'll fry that up too into little fried treats
Flavor bursting in your mouth
The best you've had so far

CHORUS

VERSE 2

For the soup course we got fried corn chowder
Stuffed in a bread bowl
And fried real nice

Salad's up next with lots of fried veggies
Embedded in a crouton
That's fried up twice

If you want to make a toast we got some champagne
Fried in a dough
As part of our spread

If you're getting thirsty we got fried soda pop
Or if you're looking to get wasted
We got fried beer instead

CHORUS

VERSE 3

Dinner's up next, of course there's fried chicken
So juicy and crisp
It's too good to be true

Got deep fried burgers, dumped in the fryer whole
With the pickle and the ketchup
And the bun on too

Look, here comes the deep water lobster
Topped with caviar
To give it some bite

Cooked to perfection with the utmost care
Then finished in the fryer
To make it taste all right

CHORUS

VERSE 4

At last, it's time to be a bit indulgent
Healthy food is over
Now we're eating for fun

The dessert tray is loaded with deep fried pies
Crispy ice cream
And crunchy sweet buns

Fried chocolate cookies are gooey and warm
Batter-dipped candy bars
Are a thrill

But it's deep fried butter that rocks my world
I can devour five whole
And not have eaten my fill

CHORUS

BRIDGE

Some people say
We go a bit overboard
Some people say
That it's too much fried

Those people are wrong
They just haven't had
A fried food feast
With an expert guide

CHORUS x2

... If it isn't deep fried I don't want to eat

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