VERSE 1

Today at my local Burger Stuffer franchise
When I looked behind the counter I could not believe my eyes
Rather than an awkward teen with greasy skin
Stood Old Scratch himself with an evil hungry grin

He said "I know you claim at eating to be the best
I'm here to offer you a friendly little contest
If you beat me you'll never gain a single pound
If I win I get to drag your soul underground"

He waved his hand at the table and though it sounds weird
A stack of fifty burgers suddenly appeared
He said, "whoever eats the most on the table wins the day
A head-to-head fight; so tell me: what do you say?"

I looked at the burgers and took their measure
Then nodded my head, to the devil's pleasure
I took off my coat, draped it on my seat
Removed my hat, and then sat down to eat

CHORUS

The devil came to Burger Stuffer
Stroking his goatee
The devil came to Burger Stuffer
“No one eats like me”
The devil came to Burger Stuffer
Looking for a fight
The devil came to Burger Stuffer
He'll get one all right

VERSE 2

My adversary tore in like a human tornado
His mouth opened twice as wide as a mere man’s could ever go
Still each burger tasted great and I savored every bite
Until he finished 26 and crowed in delight

He said, “mathematically you cannot win
I've eaten more than half, so forfeiting is no sin"
I said "I understand, but I'm having fun
So I'm gonna keep going until I am done"

He said, "whatever floats your boat" and smugly leaned back
And sat there as I ate my 24 burger snack
When I'd eaten the last, he said "it's time to go"
I just shook my head and said, "I don't think so

There's one more thing on the table to eat
Though it may not taste that good, it's more than big enough to beat
The two burger deficit I'm currently at."
And with those words, I ate my hat

CHORUS

The devil came to Burger Stuffer
Stroking his goatee
The devil came to Burger Stuffer
“No one eats like me”
The devil came to Burger Stuffer
Looking for a fight
The devil came to Burger Stuffer
He'll get one all right

VERSE 3

He said, "what trick is this? A hat doesn't count as food"
I said, "accusing me of cheating? That's really rather rude
But anyway it’s under your rules that I'm able
To eat this hat because it was on the table

I put it there before we started our match
It's really not my fault if you didn't catch
That there was more to eat on the table than just the burgers
Though I have to admit, getting it down was murder

But my big ol' hat counts for two burgers at least
And I knew you'd be so lazy that you'd stop your feast
Once you'd eaten enough to think that you had the win
Gluttony may be bad, but sloth is also a sin"

The devil looked me in the eye and let out a burp
He bowed his head and said "today you've usurped
The title of grand trickster and of best eater too
And from now on I’ll know better than to try to outeat you"

CHORUS

The devil came to Burger Stuffer
Stroking his goatee
The devil came to Burger Stuffer
But no one eats like me
The devil came to Burger Stuffer
Looking for a fight
The devil came to Burger Stuffer
He got one all right